Afterlife
by BirdCannotFly
Summary: After years of Eren being away from his father, he is finally returned after the death of his mother. Eren now lives in a home with his father and sister, who he doesn't remember. Eren has known he was different for years, but why? How did it happen? Levi meets the closed off boy and wants to get to know him better. Can he do that by helping Eren understand more about his history?
1. Chapter 1

_Afterlife_

_Chapter 1_

_Eren_

I couldn't understand what I did to deserve what I've gotten. Was it all really worth it, all the pain and suffering, I mean. How was I even supposed to move on like this? Knowing that no one gets a break. Everyone always has that shroud of darkness above their head.

Even before the accident, my eyes were like ones I had never seen before. They could be an ashy green, and bright emerald that almost glowed. Or a dark, murky green. Either way, they were always some form of green. They never stuck to one color.

My mother always told me to embrace my eyes. That'd I'd gotten them from her side of the family and I should be eternally grateful for her genetics. She would sing to me beautiful harmonies to help me sleep at night, considering even now the act of sleep for me is and always has been a great difficulty. Too much happens when I sleep, which is even more exhausting than living off of it limited. I've grown accustomed to the lifestyle. My mother would always chastise me for eluding the sandman night after night until the bags under my eyes were prominent and my complexion grew gastly.

In the hospital was the worst. The nurse would be on my case nonstop when she noticed I didn't sleep. Sometimes they would even drug me when I started to scare the shit out of the poor girl. She would come in and I would refuse anything she asked of me. I became rowdy. I threw my IV pole through the window, for God's sake. Not too long after that happened, these big men held me down as they put me to sleep for a while. That one earned me no points with anyone, but they decided not to sue my father for damages. My pale green eyes rolled open to stare at the ceiling over my head. I was sitting in the back of my fathers brand new, 2014 Mercedes Benz, slumped against the window. I was tired, but I knew I would be awake for a while.

My head lolled against the tinted window. The atmosphere was drippingly silent. I inhaled the feeling, relishing in it. I liked things to be quiet. I noticed in my peripherals my father's eyes flick to the rear view mirror to look at me as though I was a ticking bomb. I tried to ignore it, focusing on the moving world outside.

The weight of his eyes sunk into my mind, burning my dry skin. I swallowed and licked my pale lips.

"Can...Can you please stop staring at me?" I muttered to him as the silence was broken by my pleade. His eyes snapped back to the road ahead as we wound through the trees. Central AC brushed my skin. The cool air kept me calm in the thickness of the air.

We continued on for another few minutes, The girl with short, ebony hair sat in the front seat. No one told me who she was. She hasn't said a word to me. She looked at me when they picked me up from the airport like she was going to cry. The mysterious girl itched to hold me, yet I didn't even recall her face. She sulked in the passenger seat, not wanting to make me uncomfortable.

Another twenty minutes went by, although they felt like an eternity. Suddenly, the space I was confined in was beginning to smother me. Once we reached the literal end of the side road we took, the car pulled into a long and winding driveway. The sun disappeared behind a building as my father parked his extremely expensive automobile inside a garage. I sat up and opened the car door. I crawled out and planted my feet onto the ground, slamming the door shut. My eyes scanned the room, noting the multitudes of bikes attached to a ceiling rack.

"You can ride one, right?" A quiet voice asked me from behind. I looked at my father over my shoulder as he asked stood, following my a gaze. I didn't answer, as I looked ahead and followed the silent girl inside. As we stepped inside my new home, I noticed how old the house was. There was a big open living room, with countless windows on the ceiling. The light was somewhat uplifting, almost. There was a piano with a vase of flowers on top tucked away in the corner. The walls were white with framed paintings lining them. So far, it seemed like the nicest house I'd ever been in. The girl took her coat off and set it on a rack, so I did the same. All of our shoes were also taken off by the door.

Off the other side of the entrance was a staircase that lead up to a balcony stretching across the living room. It was impressive, to say the least. The black haired girl turned to me and opened her mouth to speak.

"Well, Eren. If you want, I can show you to your room to help you get settled in. After that, I'll show you around the house. Is that alright?" She said, playing with the tips of a more than overused, red scarf. My eyes dropped to the floor, nodding. "Um, okay." She said awkwardly, motioning me to follow her. She took me upstairs and lead me down the balcony to the bedroom section of the house. She went down a hallway, passing windows that shed some light on our path and the occasional painting. Suddenly, she stopped outside a white, wooden door with a golden knob. She turned it open to reveal a bedroom bigger than anywhere I've ever lived. There was a king sized bed dead center of the room with big, white and fluffy pillows. The pillows were lace and actually seemed undeniably comfortable. The blanket was the same. A large window with white curtains, casting a bright feel. There was also a bathroom off to the side. A desk with a television sat across from the bed on the opposite wall. The walls were grey and the floor was also white.

In all honesty, I didn't care what my bedroom looked like.

As long as I had one.

"This is it. Sorry if it's too much white. You can change your room however you'd like once things settle down. Would you want to do that?" The black haired girl said. My shoulders shrugged, not really motivated to make a real response. "Okay, we can if you want. Um, one of the workers will bring your suitcase up in a few minutes. There's a full bathroom in there if you want to shower or something." I nodded. She turned around to leave when I thought to say something.

"Wait." I said, spinning around. She stood in the doorway with a wide and open face. "What's your name?" I asked, seeing as how I didn't know it.

She opened her mouth slowly, almost as though she didn't expect the question.

"Mikasa." She said and quietly shut the door. The closing of the door echoed in my subconscious, swallowing the stomach acid burning my throat. Silently, I moved towards the bed and layed down, my eyes fixating on the ceiling.

Could I have a fresh start here?

There was a knock on my door as I finished rubbing a towel through my oak brown hair. I chose a pair of jeans and a beige, long sleeve shirt. As I traveled to the door, I threw my towel onto my bed. I opened the door to the girl, Mikasa. She looked at me and nodded.

"Would you like a tour now?" She asked, her arms twisting behind her back.

"Yeah, sure." I closed the door behind me before Mikasa took me down the stairs. Along the way, she explained that her bedroom was a door a little more ways down the hallway, on the opposite side. The other doors I see are either spare bedrooms, or where the three maids and a butler stay. Being told that I would be waited on by other people made me cringe internally, so I decided I wouldn't use them.

She brought me into a room with glass doors that was on the landing. It was my father's office where he worked. He was a very well payed stay-at-home therapist, which was hard to do nowadays. Mikasa told me to never ever go in there if the door was closed, meaning my father was working and should not be bothered. I tucked that piece of information in the back of my mind.

She walked through the living room into the kitchen which also had a room connected to it that was a dining room which could host large parties. Other than that, there was a backyard that went on for acres.

It would take some getting used to, but this was apparently my new home.

"Mikasa!" I heard someone, my father, call out as she explained what he did for a living. We wound through out the house to his office. The door was open, as you could see my father sitting comfortably behind a desk. We walked in, wanting to see what he wanted. "Eren, did Mikasa show you around?"

"Yes, your home is lovely." I told him, wanting to start off on a good note. He smiled warmly, the ends of his eyes crinkling.

"It's you're home now too, you know." My eyes automatically lowered at the comment. "Mikasa, please leave us." Mikasa left, shutting the door. He gestured for me to sit down in a velvety chair in front of his desk. I did, sinking into the amazing feel of the seat. "I know things have been...difficult for you. Your mother was an extraordinary woman. I missed her a lot over the years. I missed you a lot too." My hands twisted nervously in my lap. The sincerity in his voice had my stomach spinning. "If you ever need to talk about anything at all, let me know. I am a busy man but I'll never be too busy for you." My eyes stung with emotion at his words. As much as I wanted to believe that, I just couldn't bring myself to trust him yet. It's the first time I've seen him in ten years. I hardly remember him. Mom would never speak of him or told me why she left him and took me with her, but I could tell it was serious. "Now, I know this is a lot to get into today, so we can talk more later. Are you hungry? I'm sure if you ask Christa or Sasha, they could make you something. Dinner is served every afternoon at five pm. Breakfast is served at ten can have lunch at any time between breakfast or dinner, and maybe some snacks in between. It'll be about three months until we decide what to do about school for you." Assuming Christa and Sasha were the maids, I got up and turned to leave. "Oh, and Eren." The feeling of the room changed completely, now feeling stuffy and dangerous even. "There's a door under the stairwell. Don't go in it. It will be locked at all times, so as not to tempt you. If sometime in the future you somehow unlock or find it unlocked, just know that if you go down there, the consequence will not be a small one." I gulped, looking back at him. His face was grave, but twisted into a smile. "Okay, you can go now." He said, as though he didn't practically just threaten me.

For some reason, I had a bad feeling about my new life.

That night, I didn't sleep. I just laid in the darkness of my new room, comfort of my new bed and stared at the ceiling. I wondered what my mother was doing. Was she watching me in the next life? Was there a next life? I believed in one, considering the accident a few months ago. Constantly, I would think about how I was so close to death he was standing near me, waiting for me to give up. I didn't, obviously.

I got up and put on clean clothes at nine-thirty and went downstairs to eat breakfast with my father and Mikasa. Father sat at the end of the table with Mikasa on one side so I sat across from her. They were both waiting for the food to be served as I took a seat. My father took a long sip of black coffee before opening his mouth to talk to me.

"How did you sleep last night, Eren?" He asked, expecting a normal answer. I forced a small smile.

"Fine. The bed is pretty comfortable." He nodded and placed his coffee down.

"Ah, good." Father agreed. Soon enough, the food came out. On a plate was a heaping of scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast. It smelled wonderful. We began eating in silence. Every now and again, I would notice Mikasa staring at me. I'd look up and her eyes would instantly move to her plate.

"Um…" Mikasa began. "Do you remember living here before?" She asked, looking up with some kind of hope on her features.

"I don't remember anything before five years old." I said, picking at my eggs. Suddenly, there was a loud clank of silverware meeting a plate. With wide eyes, I glanced up to Mikasa covering her face with her hands. She had dropped her silverware. My father put a hand on her shoulder. "A-Are you okay?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"So, you don't remember me at all then?" She asked in a neutral voice. I ran my fingers through my hair, contemplating in what way this was affecting her.

"No, I guess not." I replied. Mikasa pushed her chair back and fled the room. I watched her go with concerned eyes. I hurt her.

"Eren." My eyes slid to look at my father. "Mikasa is your sister."

My head spun. I had a sister?

"Well, she's your adopted sister. You aren't related by blood, but we adopted her when you were very young, so you grew up with her. She's only a year old than you." That meant she was seventeen. Now I understood why she acted towards me as she does. "At one point, you two were very close. She is also very protective of you."

I sighed and looked back at the food that looked about as good to me as battery acid would. I pushed my plate away while asking to be excused. With an exasperated look, my father complied.

"Oh, and Eren!" My father called back. "Just so you know, I have a client at ten thirty. I'm sure Mikasa has explained that I am a home therapist and that when my doors are closed, I am working and I cannot be bothered. If you need something, you must see it can wait until those doors open, understand?" He said sweetly.

"Yes." I replied, meaning I heard him. What was I supposed to do around here? I could go up to my room and rot my brains with television. I didn't exactly know what I was aloud to do around here and what I wasn't. Obviously I wasn't going to swing around on the chandelier like a maniac. Maybe I could find Mikasa and ask. I didn't exactly know where she would be, but my gut told me her bedroom.

I traveled upstairs as I recalled where she told me her door was located. I passed my door, went around a bend and saw a bedroom door that had a golden "M" hanging. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on her door. Would I be bothering her? Is she angry at me for not remembering my own sister? Soon enough, the door opened slowly, revealing Mikasa. Her eyes were red and swollen like she'd been crying.

I did this to her.

"Hey." I said softly.

"Hi." She muttered, opening her door more to let me inside. Her walls were light purple. the floor was black and her bed was as large as mine with a black bed-set over it. There were posters of her favorite bands, some I'd heard of. Some not. The door closed behind me. Mikasa sat on the edge of her bed.

"I'm sorry." I said to my sister.

Her head snapped my way. "For what?"

I scratched the back of my head, nerves frayed. "For not remembering my own sister." She nodded and looked at the floor.

"That's not your fault though. It was because Mom took you away… I don't know why. Father never talks about her." I crossed my arms, nodding along.

"She never talked about him either." Mikasa looked up at my words.

"What was she like? Mom, I mean." She mumbled the question. I closed my eyes as I delved into the memories I shared with my mom.

_I slid the curtain shut as I climbed into the safety of the motel bathtub. Being only eight years old, I didn't understand what Mommy did. I didn't understand why she made me stay in a bathroom. I didn't understand why sometimes men would come and stay the night with Mommy while I curled up on a bed made of blankets in the bathtub. I also didn't know why Mommy forced me to be quiet and to stay in the bathroom with the door locked when a yellow car would pull up. _

_I threw the blanket over my shaking form, cutting the bathroom from my view. My hands cupped over my ears, trying to cut out the sound of the screaming in the next room._

_An hour later, there was a soft knock on the door._

"_Eren, honey. It's Mommy. Open the door." My mother spoke through the door. Pushing the blanket off of myself, I ran and unlocked it. Mommy came in, shutting the door behind her. She bent down onto the floor and hugged me for a very long time. She started crying while I played with her dark brown locks._

"_What's wrong, Mommy?" I asked, tears burning my eyes at seeing my mother so broken. Her big, emerald eyes look at mine. There was blood on her lip and there was marks beginning to color on her wrists and cheekbone. "Don't cry. Everything is going to be okay."_

I opened my eyes to Mikasa staring at me, concerned.

"She was great. She always tried her best to make sure I had something to eat, even when she didn't. Whenever she wasn't working, she'd teach me things like numbers and letters. It was the only schooling I had." I shrugged. "I miss her…" My eyes slid to the floor, burning with emotion.

"They never told me how they found you. Just that Mom was dead and you were found." Mikasa muttered, again playing with a scarf around her neck. I stayed silent for a while, wondering if I should tell her.

"Yeah…" I replied, not wanting to get into it.

"Is there anything you want to know?" Mikasa asked, standing up and looking like she was ready to get herself together. I shrugged, not really thinking of anything at the moment. Mikasa told me that there was a trail in the woods back behind the house and that we could go walk down it. I told her yes, because what else was there to do? Mikasa said she was going to take a shower before we went. Leaving her room, I roamed down the hallway, past my room.

Reaching the balcony across from the front door, I noticed the sounds of people talking. Hiding halfway behind the wall, I looked down on the landing. My father stood with a boy. A boy who looked maybe just a bit older than me. He had a bored expression on his pale face as he stood, listening to my father. He was a good looking person, I'd admit. His hair was shaved into an undercut and was ebony black. It split in the middle, straight as can be. He wore a white button up with black dress-pants. He also looked pretty short as well, although that hardly matters. Just as my father went into his office, the stranger lifted his head up, pale blue eyes searching. Finally, they landed on me. As our eyes met, a gasp passed through my lips as my eyes grew larger. I instantly hid from view by leaning back into the hallway. My hand slammed against my mouth to keep my uneven breathing silent.

My cheeks burned with embarrassment. How weird is it to find a person you've never seen before just admiring you from afar? My guess was it was beyond frightening, for me and the stranger.

Under my breath, I muttered hopeful words that he had gone into my father's office with him. Slowly, I showed my head to look down at where the boy had stood. He was no longer there.

Levi

My eyes narrowed at the almost silent gasp that came from the person seemingly watching me. The half of the boys face disappeared around a corner. Who was that? Did Dr. Jaeger have a guest? The most I knew about the household is that there's the Doctor's daughter, Mikasa, two maids, a butler, and the Doctor himself. The boy looked to be somewhat young, but it was hard to tell when I had only gotten a glance of him before he vanished. I sighed and tried to forget about the person when I went into Dr. Jaegers office.

Closing the door behind me, I then lowered into a chair across from his desk.

"So, Levi. How's your day going?" He asked as he opened his notebook. I stayed silent for a moment.

"Well, I woke up. Got in the shower. Stayed in the shower for an hour. I went to the kitchen to make breakfast, but when I got there everything just looked so… unorganized. Filthy. I couldn't eat in those conditions. I cleaned every inch of my kitchen." I told him, honestly. He rubbed his chin between his fingers and wrote down what I said in the notebook.

"Did you eat after that?"

I hesitated.

"No… I completely forgot." He nodded as I hung my head in my hands. It's a miracle if I ever get around to eating. There are just such more important things that I could be doing with my time, so many things I could clean.

"Levi, would you like something to eat?" Dr. Jaeger asked sincerely. I blinked and focused on how my stomach reacted to the thought of food. I shook my head, not feeling hungry. There was a silent pause. "Have you used bleach on your skin at all?"

He knew me too well.

"I just… I felt so dirty. I took a nap yesterday and I had another damn nightmare. I woke up and I just knew a shower wasn't going to be enough." I admitted sullenly.

"How bad is the burn?" He asked, referring to the chemical burn from the bleach. I didn't want to make it seem too bad, but it spanned all the way across my shoulders.

"I don't know. It's fine, I guess." I grumbled and ran my fingers through my hair. He continued to ask me about things for the next hour. It was pretty much the end of my session when my curiosity got the best of me.

"Dr. Jaeger?" I asked to get his attention suddenly. His eyes looked at me.

"Hm?"

"When I got here, I saw someone I don't normally see here. Do you have a guest?" I asked, trying to shed some light on this mystery person.

"Oh! Right, of course. I completely forgot. He's a new addition to the household. His name is Eren and he's sixteen. He's actually my son."

My face morphed into confusion. I didn't think he had a son.

"His mother ran away with him when he was five. But, as of now, his mother has recently passed and he had no one to live with. He lives here now." He smiled, proud of having his son back.

"Interesting…" I mumbled. Eren, huh? Eren Jaeger. It sounded like a decent name.

"Would you like to meet him?" He said suddenly. I was about to assure him there was no need, but he was already standing up. With a sigh, I stood from the chair and followed Dr. Jaeger onto the landing.

"Eren!" He yelled upstairs. A few seconds later, there was a boy poking his head out. Yes, I thought I saw a mop of brown hair before, but now I was sure. His father chuckled. "Don't be shy, now. I would like you to meet one of my long-term clients." Slowly but surely, the boy began walking downstairs. Now that I could see him properly, I noted how he was a handsome boy.

His hair looked almost untamable and dark, but soft. His eyes were a bright emerald green that caught my breath. Something about them made me feel odd. He was tall with broad, muscular upper body. Eren's skin was a toned olive color that complimented his prominent jaw line. His mouth was set in a straight line, not moving to smile or frown. Something was off about him, I'd say that, but not enough to make me want to stay away from him.

Something I wish I didn't notice was how pale his cheeks looked and the bags forming under his eyes. Why did he look so strung out with life?

"His name is Levi. Levi, this is Eren." Doctor Jaeger motioned to the boy nervously shifting feet and playing with the ends of his sleeves.

"Hello." Eren said, his voice not too deep, but not unrealistically high. His eyes moved up to meet mine and damn, I almost staggered. Why did eye contact with him feel so heavy?

"Hi, Eren." I held my hand out, wondering if a handshake was a good way to go. When his hand gripped mine and shook it up and down, my chest tightened. Eren's presence alone just makes me feel like I shouldn't even be aloud to look at him. His mannerisms don't scream "I'm so important", but his still had that kind of feel. Does he know that he makes people feel this way? Is it only me who feels it?

My eyes didn't break contact with his and as soon as my skin touched his, the color of his irises actually changed. I saw them, physically, change color. They grew a lot lighter and now were almost white except for a tint of green. My mouth opened into a small "o" in wonder. His hand instantly was pulled away from mine while he worked on diverting his eyes.

Eren was a special person. I could already tell.

And he knew that too. He knew something wasn't quite right with him.

Another thing I knew was that this wasn't the last time I would ever talk to him.


	2. Chapter 2

_Afterlife_

_Chapter 2_

_Eren_

"Alright, Eren. I'm ready." Mikasa declared as she hopped down the steps, seemingly giddy for being able to spend time with me. I looked behind my shoulder, smiling slightly. Here hair was wet, so she had put it back into a bun. Little pieces hung around her slim face. She wore a pair of dark jeans with a blue sweater. Still, she wore the red scarf. Was it something precious to her?

Once Mikasa reached the landing, she nodded at Levi.

"Hello, Mikasa. Always a pleasure." The boy said, but not sounding as kind as he could be.

"Levi." It looked like she was trying her damnedest not to sneer at the well dressed boy. Did they not like each other? I suppose their personalities clashed. I actually got familiar vibes from both of them.

"Where are you two off to?" Dad jumped in. He didn't seem to notice their silent dispute. Either that, or that he just chose to ignore it and let it be.

"I was going to show Eren the trails." Mikasa said, looking to our father.

Dad smiled appreciatively. "Of course. I think you'll like them, Eren. I had them made when you two were younger." He said. I didn't overlook the frightened look on Mikasa's face. I'd make sure to ask her about that later. Levi pulled out his vibrating cell phone.

"Excuse me." He said before stepping away to answer it. Mikasa and I traveled toward the door to put on our shoes.

"There's a nice pond at the end of the trail. Do you like swimming?" Mikasa asked as she slipped on her fairly used Converse. Honestly, I've never been swimming. Which means I didn't know _how_ to swim.

"Ah, sure." I lied. She glanced at me suspiciously.

"Something you should know is that I can always tell when you're lying. It's something I've developed to notice. You've never been able to lie to me, and I was wondering if you tweaked your lying abilities." She replied. "You haven't."

I smiled guiltily. I didn't know if that was going to be a problem or not. There had to be a way to shield my emotions from her enough to tell a simple lie. There just had to. What if I needed to lie at some point?

"Eren, Mikasa." My dad called. We turned before heading out the door. "Why don't you guys let Levi come with you?" Levi had a stunned expression, telling me this wasn't his idea. "His mother just phoned him to tell him she would be at least an hour late picking him up. He won't have any fun just sitting here alone."

"Uh, I mean..." Mikasa said, obviously not liking the idea.

"It's fine, I don't mind staying here." Levi tried saving himself, but it was in vain.

"What do you think, Eren?" My father asked. They all looked at me for my opinion. Since when did my opinion matter on anything? Why did they leave this decision up to me?

"I-It doesn't really matter to me." I said. I knew what both Levi and Mikasa wanted was the opposite of my answer. They wanted me to tell him I wanted to just be with Mikasa.

"Excellent." My father smiled and clapped excitedly. It was almost as if he wanted Levi to befriend us. Levi sighed and went to put his shoes on. When I caught sight of his expression, all it held was contempt. He shot me a glare and it went right to my head. I felt the need to apologize a million times. Over and over again. Anything to make him forgive me for being such a wet blanket.

We began walking in total silence. I walked next to Mikasa while Levi stay father behind, on purpose I assumed.

Levi hesitated just on the outside of the woods. Mikasa kept going, but I stopped in front of him.

"I'm sorry." I told him, shuffling my feet guiltily.

"For...?" He replied.

I shrugged. "I know you didn't really want to come with us. It was obvious. But I just couldn't refuse my father. I don't exactly know him too well and I don't want to disappoint him already." I said "already" because I knew it was going to happen at some point.

Levi had started trekking into the woods, so I followed.

"Whatever. I don't really care that much, it's just..." Levi stopped, wanting to find the right words. "Woods are so _dirty_." He spat the word as if it would burn him. It was then, I understood why he saw my father. He was obsessive compulsive.

"Yeah, I guess they are." I said in response. "Just don't touch anything, if you can avoid it."

He glanced at me from the side. "Why do your eyes change?" He asked suddenly. How did this turn onto me? My face dropped and so did my heart. Panic seized my lungs and there was suddenly not enough air in these forsaken forest.

I stuttered and stumbled over my words, not being able to speak simple syllables.

"Eren?" He said. I looked at him with a deer in the headlights look. Levi's dark eyebrows were furrowed with concern and his eyes held curiosity.

"Sorry..." I cleared my head and took deep breaths for a few seconds as we continued along the trail. Mikasa was just up ahead. Every now and then she would look back at us to make sure we were playing nice. Or that Levi hadn't decided to knock my head off of a tree and kill me. I don't think he'd actually do that, but maybe that was just Mikasa's thought process. "I don't know, actually."

"How is it possible for your eyes to just so blatantly change... It shouldn't be." He mumbled, more to himself than me.

"I know. I'm a freak, I guess." I shrugged dismissively. Levi looked up and I swear he looked like I kicked his puppy.

"You are _not_ a freak. You're different and different is just fine." There was a familiar burn in my eyes and I had to ask.

"What color are my eyes right now?" I asked. Levi looked into my eyes with his pale, grey ones.

"Light green." He said in wonder. Think of my eyes like a mood ring. Well, a mood ring that's actually accurate. When I'm sad or angry, my eyes turn very dark. Neutral, basically is like an emerald. Happy is a light green, embarrassed is really close to white, but still has a tint of green. Completely white is loved. Black is hatred.

"That means I'm happy." Levi looked at me in confusion.

"How do you know that?"

"Certain colors portray my moods." Levi's mouth formed an O.

"Well, what colors represent what moods?"

I laughed. "I can't tell you." The look on his face told me he was not amused by that. "I can't tell you because then you'd be able to know how I feel all the time and I don't know if I want that."

Realization flashed across his stoic face. "I don't think I would want that either, honestly."

"Exactly." I said with a small smile. He looked at me and I could see a smirk forming. It was hard to tell how Levi made me feel, my eyes couldn't really go into technicalities. The comment about me not being a freak definitely upped my opinion of him.

"Do they just change in variations of green?"

I nodded. "Other than black or white, of course."

"Seriously? Black would be cool..." I didn't want to tell him what black meant, so I kept quiet.

"Would you girls hurry up and stop gossiping?" Mikasa called up ahead.

"We were talking about how blue isn't your color." Levi yelled back. Mikasa shot him a glare that I could feel from all the way back here.

"Why don't you guys like each other?" I asked, hoping to solve the aggression between them.

Levi shrugged. "It's just been that way since we met."

"I think you guys are so much alike that it kind of clashes, in a way." I said, trying to catch up to my sister. His head shot my way.

"We are not alike at all." Levi shook his head, his hair swinging. "I refuse to believe it."

Again, I laughed. Why was he making me laugh so much? I haven't done much smiling even since before the accident. Once I got old enough to know what my mom did as a job, it stunned me. I knew she was only doing it to support me, which is why I tried so many times to get her to take me to an orphanage or something. Yeah, it would have sucked. Yeah, I would have missed her a lot. But just knowing that she would have one less mouth to feed would make her life so much easier made me want to over look all of that.

"What're you thinking about?" Levi asked in the cool, afternoon air.

"My mother." I whispered, hoping my voice would get carried away in the wind and through the trees.

"Oh." He said, suddenly serious sounding. Did he know? He probably does. My father probably told him. "I'm sorry... About you losing her."

I blinked back the tears. Ever since she died, I haven't talked to anyone about her, other than Mikasa. No one understands. Not really, anyways.

"Me too." I replied.

"I know how hard it is, you know? I lost my dad when I was eleven." The robotic way Levi said that made me look at him. His face was as expressionless as his voice. How did he do it? How did he hide his emotions so well?

"Does it ever get easier?" I asked quietly.

"Honestly, kid? It doesn't so much get easier as you learn to live with the loss." He responded.

"You could have lied..." I muttered under my breath.

"Hey, I wish I had someone to tell me that. I wish I had someone there to tell me the right and wrong ways to deal with it." He looked at me, regret all over his face. "It fucked me up."

I didn't say anything more because, really, what else could I say?

_Levi_

How had I ended up telling Eren my life story? How had I ended up trusting him enough to tell him about my father? Sure, I didn't really go into specifics. Just that I told him made me wonder what about him seemed so open minded. Maybe it was the sadness he radiated. Maybe it was because I had been where he was now. Not exactly, of course. I knew there was more to his life other than being taken away by his mother. I could see it. I knew he had seen some shit, more than I had anyway.

We had finally caught up with Mikasa who seemed more than angry that Eren had been talking to me most of the time. Guilt gripped my chest. This was the first time Mikasa and Eren could get away to really spend some time together since he'd been brought home and I had sacrificed that. If I had the pride to apologize to her, I would.

"Finally. Are you guys done?" She asked with her arms crossed. Eren laughed nervously.

"Yeah, sorry. We got a little carried away, I guess." I could see he had liked talking about that stuff. After his mother died, he must not have had anyone to confide in. Maybe even before she died he couldn't. How many people would believe that he had mood color changing eyes?

"A little?" Mikasa said. Her tone softened when speaking directly to her brother. She must really love him. Eren smiled with indiscretion. She waved it off. "We're almost there anyways."

As she said, soon enough there was a pond into view. It was quite large for a pond, and clean. Well, not my standards of clean. It seemed there wasn't any fish or weeds poking up through the water. The water was clear.

"Dad maintains it. We used to come here all the time... when we were little." Mikasa said mournfully.

"It's kind of familiar." Eren replied. My eyebrows dipped in confusion. Did he not remember? Eren caught my features. "I don't remember anything from when I lived here. I don't even remember how I got to be with my mom."

Eren's life was so complicated.

"So, you didn't answer me earlier. You can swim, right?" The ebony haired girl asked him.

"I haven't been swimming..." Eren muttered, scratching the back of his neck.

"You haven't been swimming at all since we were kids?" Mikasa asked in shock. The olive toned boy nodded mutely. Well, shit.

"I don't even know if I can swim." He said, shrugging.

Mikasa groaned. "Jesus, Eren. Did Mom keep you in a cave or what?"

Eren's eyes suddenly grew into a very murky green. "Don't talk about her like that." He warned. I didn't think I could ever see someone so visibly emanating anger. "She fed me, clothed me and made sure I had somewhere to sleep. She was my teacher and both my mom and my dad. She did everything she could to keep us alive so I'm sorry if that excludes fucking swimming."

He had a point.

Eren crossed his arms and left Mikasa speechless.

"Eren..." She began delicately. "I didn't know you were so struggled."

"It doesn't matter now." He closed his eyes and breathed in and out deeply. When he opened his eyes again, they were a pretty emerald green with a hint of blue. They were beautiful.

We stayed a little longer until there was nothing left for Mikasa to show us. After, we began to walk back to the Jaeger's house. Eren and I talked for a little bit, mostly about nothing that seemed to compare to the importance of the conversation on our way down. My mother car was in the driveway when we arrived. We walked into the house to see a woman with long, ebony hair that reached the middle of her back. She wore a grey pencil skirt with a purple blouse. Her eyes were bright blue and her lips were blood red. She was absolutely stunning and she was my mother.

"Hi, Mom." I said as I entered the room. She looked up from the spot on the couch where she sat, talking to Dr. Jaeger. They both had cups of tea in their hands. Her perfectly white and straight teeth showed as she smiled brightly at me.

"Hello, dear. I was just talking with Dr. Jaeger." She stood, placing her teacup on the coffee table and brushing down her skirt. Mom looked behind me. Mikasa stood with a ghost of a smile. "Hi, Mikasa. How're you doing?"

"Fine. Thank you, Ms. Ravaille." She replied sweetly. Turning around, I noticed Eren wasn't in sight.

"Eren?" I said. His face peeked out, eyes a very light green. They looked like they did when I saw them change for the first time. My mother offered a soothing smile.

"Hello, Eren. I'm Levi's mother." Slowly, my mother stuck her hand out. Once you got to know Eren better, you'd think he'd be anything but shy. At his own pace, he stepped out from behind the wall and shook her hand.

"Hi." Eren greeted with a small smile. I couldn't help but smile as well. He was so... enlightening. Refreshing, even.

Mom continued to smile warmly. "I hope my son was nice to you. Sometimes he can be a bit overbearing." I rolled my eyes.

"Just say that I can be a dick sometimes it's okay I won't hold it against you." I said with an amused look, knowing Mom will chastise me for my language.

"Watch your mouth, Levi." She chided, but was still smiling.

I shrugged. "What're you gonna do?" I said carelessly. She shook her head. It was rare she got mad at me. Mom knew how I got sometimes and she's been the only person I've ever met that can calm me down without getting frustrated herself. Now that I thought about it, I didn't get angry with Eren today and we talked a lot, really. He said some things that would have knocked me off my rocker, but nothing. Eren was a special boy.

"We should get going, hun. I'll meet you out in the car, alright?" Mom said. "It was very nice meeting you, Eren. If you ever want to come over for dinner, just have your father call me." I would like that, honestly. I was doubtful Eren would actually want to or would even think of it, but maybe if we got closer...

Mom walked out, saying and waving goodbye to everyone.

"Well, Eren. It was a pleasure." I said. He smiled, his eyes darkening so they were just lighter than the emerald I saw earlier. I didn't know if I'd ever get tired of that.

"Yeah. It was." He said. I didn't want to leave. "I'll be here, if you ever want to hang out again."

I nodded while pushing my hair behind my ear. "Okay. I'll be here next Friday."

Eren lead me out and waved as we drove down the road and his house eventually fled from my view. I took such a quick liking to Eren. That was odd for me.

"Mom." I said. She hummed, waiting for me to continue. "I think Eren and I could be good friends."

"Really?" She asked, interested.

"Yeah... I told him about Dad." There was silence.

"I know you don't like to talk about him..."

"For some reason, it wasn't that bad talking about it with Eren. He knows what it's like to lose a parent." I tapped my fingers in a pattern on my leg.

"His father told me. Gosh, that child has been through so much..." Mom said sadly. He never specified. I just know that his mother died.

"He never told me how it happened."

"And I won't either." I looked at her with wide eyes.

"Mom, you can just say how much he's been through and then not tell me!" I wanted to know so badly. I wanted to help him in any way I could.

"Dear, if Eren didn't tell you, then he's not ready to share it. I won't be the bearer of someone else's bad news." Mom replied.

I sighed in frustration. "Fine." I huffed.

Eren would tell me in time as long as we continued to grow closer.


	3. Chapter 3

Afterlife

Chapter 3

Eren

That night, I finally got some sleep. After drifting through my rambunctious thoughts for two hours, exhaustion eventually set in. It'd been three days since I slept. Once my body fell into a rhythm of breathing and slowed heart beats, it was already three in the morning. Dreams were too much. I wished that I could just sleep with a blank mind and wake up refreshed instead of in cold sweats and tears. Of course, that was exactly what had happened at five. A crack of thunder and strike of lightening woke me with a gasp of air. I bolted up with moisture running down my back and streaking my face. With shaking hands, I gripped the top of the blanket and continued to tremble. As I took quivering breaths into the white lace, I willed the accelerated jump of my heart to stop. Thunder bounced off my windows while light illuminated into my dark bedroom, making me yelp and flinch. My hands smacked over my mouth to try and smother the sound. Water pelted the glass, calming me slightly. My black tee shirt stuck to my body uncomfortably. I ripped it off and threw it to the side. Sweat slicked down the back of my neck and all over my abdomen. After more deep breaths, I flopped back down onto the bed.

I actually tried to go back to sleep. Really, I did. I crawled away from my warmth and comfort at nine and dressed. I pushed my hair back and pulled a beanie hat over it. Looking at my complexion in the mirror only furthered my wariness. Bags under my eyes were becoming more noticeable as time went. My iris's color was a murky emerald. Neutral, but tired.

I sighed as I left my bedroom in a pair of grey sweatpants and a red, long-sleeve shirt. Once I was at the table, I sat down. Mikasa wasn't down yet, so I sat and listened to my father brag about how well his business was taking off. Apparently, he actually is very manageable with his clients.

"I have three appointments today, so I talked Mikasa into taking you into town. She's going to show you around and whatnot. It should be fun, don't you think?" He asked. I wanted to throw a fit, claiming I was sick. Besides looking like death, I felt like it too.

"Good morning, Eren. Dad." Mikasa said upon entering. She stopped going to sit down as she looked at me. Her eyes narrowed no doubt at my disturbed features. "Are you okay, Eren? You look..." She stopped trying to find the correct word. "Off."

I bit on the inside of my cheek. "I'm fine."

"You worry too much, Mikasa." Dad said with a chuckle. Plates of food were set down in front of us by the butler. I looked up at him as he planted my plate of waffles in front of me. His eyes moved down to look at me. The man smiled graciously, wrinkles forming at the edges of his golden brown eyes. They held something wise within them. "Ah, I apologize for not introducing you to the staff, Eren. In all the commotion yesterday, I guess it just slipped my mind." The man with not a single hair on his head erected his back and stood proudly. The grey color of his mustache suggested he wasn't a young person. "This is the Jaeger house butler, Pixis. He's been a very loyal worker of this house for a long time. He served my father when he was the owner of this home. I've always been able to count on Pixis."

"Oh, thank you sir. It's a pleasure working for such a wonderful household." Pixis said with a deep laugh. "If you ever need anything, Eren, don't be afraid to ask."

I smiled appreciatively. "It's nice meeting you."

Something sparkled suggestively in his eyes as he glanced down at me. It was almost like he wanted to tell me something. But, that was crazy to assume when I had only just met him. He went back into the kitchen after nodding to my father.

"We're going out today, you know?" Mikasa said around a bite of waffle. I took a longing sip of orange juice. I nodded, trying to choke down my cries of disagreement. Again, her cold gray eyes gave me a once over. She really was too perceptive.

I scarfed down my waffle and excused myself. While I headed up to my room, Mikasa told me we would be leaving at eleven and that I should do whatever I need to do to get ready. Was I really ready to go into public? Let's be honest, was I ever?

I showered and tried to wake up as much as I could. I picked out a pair of jeans with holes in the knees and a plain, white tee-shirt. While brushing my teeth, a knock sounded on my bedroom door. As I held the toothbrush in mouth, I answered. Mikasa was on the other side. Her eyebrow rose at the sight of me with toothpaste all over my mouth.

Inviting her in, I quickly finished up and put a black beanie over my still wet hair.

"Rough night?" She asked pointedly at the disarray of my bed. I shrugged and zipped up a navy blue sweater over my tee-shirt. "Eren, please talk to me."

Inwardly, I groaned. "About what? The weather?"

Mikasa pushed back her hair and sighed. "Do you still have issues sleeping?"

"No." I said.

"Stop lying." Mikasa replied. Rolling my burning eyes, I turned around and began making my way downstairs.

"Eren, please tell me the truth." She called after me, following my steps.

Suddenly, I turned around. Mikasa bounced off my chest, backing up. Her face held determination and anger.

"What? What do you want from me? Do you want me to talk about the nightmares that I have every time I sleep? Do you want me to tell you that I slept for two hours in the past three days?" Mikasa's face began to soften.

"...I just want you to feel like you can come to me if things go wrong." Mikasa muttered. "I'll always be here for you and I'll never turn you away."

The anger in my stomach calmed and my eyes burned. "Whatever." I said in response. I headed down the stairs and put my shoes on by the door. Mikasa called goodbye to Dad as she picked up keys to a car I didn't know we had. She led me back to a red Cadillac. Sliding into the passenger seat while my sister sat herself in the driver side.

"Do you have a driver's license?" Mikasa asked as we got onto the desolate road.

"No." My mother had talked about me getting my driver's license. Considering we never stayed in the same city for more than a month or two, I found no need for even getting my permit.

"Permit?"

I shook my head. Mikasa glanced at me.

"Cell phone?"

Again, I denied. The only form of a cell phone my mother had been a cheap one from a department store. But it wasn't completely uncommon for a teenager to not have a cell phone, right?

"Eren... tell me how you lived?" She asked a few minutes later as we quietly glided down the road.

"Mostly in motels." I answered honestly. My eyes stayed glued to the rushing world around me. My admittance was met with seconds of silence.

"You're not kidding, are you?" She said in a soft voice.

"No." I whispered. Why would I kid? My old life wasn't something to be trifled with.

"Did you at least have a bed every night?" Mikasa questioned.

"Sometimes." Out of habit, my shoulders shrugged. "We couldn't always get rooms. And when we did I usually had to sleep in the bathtub." Again, silence.

"Why?" Mikasa mumbled. "Why did you have to be taken from us?" That was one question I couldn't answer. If my mother was still alive, she would be the only person able to answer it. No one made another move to speak, so I leaned my head against the window to rest my eyes. When the car stopped and turned off, I groggily lifted my head. We were surrounded by cars in a parking lot.

"Where are we?" I had asked. Mikasa turned her head to look at me.

"The mall." I hummed. The last time I had been to the mall, my mother had convinced me to help her steal some things we needed.

"What for?"

"To buy things." Mikasa answered as if it were obvious. She never told me we were going shopping.

"Okay, well what do you need to get?" I asked. Mikasa climbed out of the car, which got me to do the same.

"It's not what I need to get, it's what _you_ need to get." My eyes clouded over with confusion. What did she mean by that, exactly? "I'm buying you new clothes and some stuff for your room. Do not argue with me."

My eyes widened in surprise. Stuff for me? Why?

"But my clothes are just fine though. I haven't even outgrown them yet." I told her, knowing I had made a mistake going with her today.

"Eren, you don't need to outgrow your clothes to get new ones. And you live with us now. You have luxuries and balanced meals. Not everything in the world has to be struggled." Mikasa said. That stood out to me. I had luxuries? I don't have to be struggled? She continued on into the mall. Complying with her desires, I followed. She took me to stores filled with clothes that I'd only ever dreamed of wearing. We had found some nice pairs of jeans and they fit wonderfully. Mikasa would pick out things she assumed I looked good in, and made me try them on. If it fit, she bought it.

"Surely you're spending too much on me..." I'd told her at some point. My hot tempered sister glared in response, which was enough for me to shut up apparently. After taking me to a store for some bedroom supplies, she made me stop at a hair salon.

"What are we doing here?" I asked Mikasa. With the smuggest grin she could muster, she turned to me.

"You need a hair cut." I groaned under my breath. Yeah, it was just hair. I'd never felt the need to really care about it as much as others. It grows back, right? One of the hair dressers pulled me into a seat and began hacking away at the nappiest parts of my hair. Mikasa watched the whole time, making sure they cut evenly. About a half hour later, I glanced at my sad-looking hair on the floor. Then, at the mirror.

Brown locks were finally out of my face, making my eyes seem larger than they did before. My jaw line became more noticeable and chiseled. The same went for my proud cheekbones I undoubtedly got from my mother. It still held the same messiness as before, but it looked more on purpose as opposed to actually unkempt and knotted waves. I looked over at my sister who stared at me in awe.

"You look just like her..." She mumbled. Assuming she meant my mother, I smiled brightly. I was proud as hell to say I looked like my mom. She really was a beautiful woman.

"Thanks." My eyes burned into a light green, pride suffocating my lungs.

As we began to leave the salon, Mikasa suggested picking up a coffee from Starbucks. I'd never had Starbucks, but from what I heard, it was great. I didn't exactly know the differences between all the types of coffee so I just had Mikasa order for me. As she had instructed me, I grabbed a small table in the shop. It was semi secluded so I found it the perfect time to ask her about the pond. She came back with two cups of coffee. A "white mocha frappe" is what she called my drink. Once it had cooled enough, I took a sip. It was good, but in need of some getting used to.

"So, Mikasa, can I ask you something?" She rose her eyebrow over her cup as she sipped generously. "Did something happen at that pond when we were younger?" Her eyes grew the size of saucers as I imagined her going through a shit ton of scenarios in her head about where I would get that idea.

"Why do you ask?" She said calmly. On the exterior, she screamed nervousness. Her voice couldn't be anymore relaxed, though.

"I just got this feeling..." Which wasn't exactly a lie. Something gnawed at my stomach as we explored around the pond yesterday. It'd been bothering me since and I felt like there was something she wasn't telling me. With a dejected sigh, she set her cup down.

"When we were kids, you got lost in those woods..." Mikasa started, not meeting my eyes. At her beginning of the story, my attention was gripped. "We didn't know how you got out of the house. It was on a cold night in November. Mom woke up and went to check on us. I was sleeping, you were out of your bed. She checked all over the house. Literally, everywhere. When she woke up Dad to tell him you'd gone, he got on her shoes and a coat. He left the house and came back an hour later with you in tow." She shook her head as she looked back on the memory. "He never explained how he knew where you were. You had been wet and shaking. Your feet were bare. He told Mom that when he found you, you were standing on the edge of the pond. We didn't even know there was a pond back there. We didn't have the trails at the time, so it was odd how you found your way there. He had found you right when you had jumped into the pond. It was freezing outside, so when you came back home, you had hypothermia for a while. Mom cried when you were found. She had been so worried." Mikasa said, stirring her coffee inside her cup. What the hell kind of story was that? For some reason, I knew that something like that had happened. But I didn't remember it. "Whenever you got mad after that, you'd always run to the pond. Mom and Dad told you to stop, but you wouldn't listen. The only solution Dad could come up with was to create a path in the woods so you wouldn't get lost and to clear out the pond for swimming in the summer." She sighed at the end of her story. I had been transfixed the whole time.

"I did that? Really?" I was a weirder child than I originally thought.

She shrugged. "It's how we got the hangout area."

As I mulled over my own childhood stupidity, we left Starbucks. Mikasa explained that she was going to show me all the major points in town. She drove by the local high school I would attend at some point. Every teenager in the area went to that school. Including Levi, of course. Would I have classes with him? Are we even in the same grade?

"How old is Levi?" I asked in the sudden silence of the Cadillac, the only sound from the tires winding up the road.

"Hm? Oh, I think he's seventeen. Why?" Mikasa asked, suspiciously. Her slim, black eyebrow lifted with her question.

"Uh, no reason. I was just wondering." I looked away and back out the window.

"You two seemed to hit it off yesterday. I really didn't expect that." Mikasa sighed. "He's usually so cross, but... With you he seems to actually be nice." She pulled a disgusted face. "I didn't even know he could be nice."

"Everyone is saying that but I can't imagine him as anything but kind. But, I'll take your words into consideration." I replied. Sure, his methods of consoling were different, but it helped. There's no problem with admiring him for that, right?

As we arrived home, two maids were waiting patiently outside. We pulled in, they began moving towards the car. I got out and noted how glowing the one looked. Her hair was golden blond and pulled into a neat ponytail on top of her head. Caribbean blue eyes locked with mine. Her face was soft looking and her skin was like porcelain.

"Hello. I'm Krista Historia. I'm a maid." Krista introduced herself with a big smile. I smirked.

"Hi. Eren." I replied. She nodded.

"What bags would you like help with, Sir?" Krista asked as the other maid helped get the bags from the car with Mikasa.

"They're all his so they go to his bedroom." Mikasa answered with a small smile.

"Alrighty." She laughed and started to carry bags in a long with the other maid, who I've yet to meet. Her hair was a reddish-brown and was pulled into a pony ail like Kristas, only messier. She struggled with some of the bags, so I kicked my butt in gear to help. I took some from her grasp.

"Oh, sir, I have it. It's okay." She said in an exasperated voice. I chuckled.

"No, it's fine. It's all my stuff anyways." We went upstairs to my room and dropped the bags in the corner of the room. Once all of them had been in place, I asked the brunette's name.

"Sasha." She nodded, her eyes determined and fierce.

"Thank you, Sasha." I said, motioning to all the bags.

"It's not problem at all." She smiled and excused herself. After my door shut, I dropped onto my still messed bed. There was a knock on my door and I didn't feel like getting up to answer it.

"Come in." I called. The door opened and Mikasa came in.

"I called someone to help us set up your bedroom." She announced. Who would she have called? I don't know any of her friends, so would that be weird?

"Mikasa." Someone said behind her. It was a boy. He sounded youngish.

"Uh, yeah. Armin, come in." He shuffled his way in beside her. I wasn't expecting a kid with long blond hair and blue eyes. His face radiated innocence with his pointed nose and childlike cheeks. For some reason, I got this vibe of familiarity from him. I sat up and stretched my arms over my head and looked at him.

Armin looked up, his face the definition of surprise. Confusion hazed over his big eyes and he dropped the bag he was carrying.

"M-Mikasa. Who is this?" He asked in a small, quivering voice. I stood, my height towering over him. I looked at him with soft features and a little smile.

"Hi, I'm Eren." I introduced. His hands flitted over his O shaped mouth.

"Eren, is that really you?" He muttered. Mikasa came and stood beside him.

"This is Armin. I don't think you remember him, but we were childhood friends. It was always us as a trinity. You two were close enough to be brothers." The smiled slipped from my face as I took in her words. How could I have forgotten something so important?

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, my eyes clouding with sadness. "I don't remember anything from my childhood."

"Oh..." Armin mumbled. Tears welled in his wide, doe eyes and I felt the need to hug and protect him. How can I protect him when it was me causing him grief?

"Anyways," Mikasa began with a hand on both of our shoulders. "How about we start working?"

Armin wiped his eyes and smiled hugely. "Yeah, okay." So, we began. We stripped the bed from the white sheets and put on the new ones we had bought. The sheets I picked out were black. The comforter was a dark green with black embroidery. Armin set down a black rug at the middle of the room. Mikasa hung up some cool looking posters on the walls. By the end of the hour, my room looked much less bare.

"Alright. I think we're done." Armin declared. Mikasa helped me hang up my new wardrobe in the closet and fold some into drawers.

Looking at this room and thinking about how it was now considered my own bedroom stirred my stomach. My eyes followed every corner and crevice. It screamed "Eren" and I couldn't be happier with it. Eyes burning, I considered how it was a different burn. Not from the color of my irises changing, but tears. Tears welled up in my ducts at the thought of my first, real bedroom. Mikasa and Armin were staring at me worriedly.

"Eren, do you not like it? We can take some stuff back and get something different." Mikasa asked, going into a frenzy about how it's okay that I didn't like it.

"No, it's not that. I _love_ it." I sighed and wiped away my tears. "It's just... I've never had a bedroom before." Unless you could count the room I had when I lived here as a child. I had never been big on sharing how I felt. It was odd showing them how much a simple room could affect me, but I didn't feel entirely uncomfortable doing so. I guess it was those repressed, childhood memories making feel so comfortable around them. Mikasa replied by smiling gently and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. Armin stared at nothing in particular with a slightly vexed expression. Remembering how he seemed surprised to see me, I guessed no one explained to him my situation.

"We should talk, Armin." I said to the blond. His eyes focused in on me and he nodded excitedly with a small smile. We all got situated on my bed. We sat in a triangle on the new bedspreads.

"I never explained some things. Right now is as good of time as any." I sighed and grappled for the right words. "Where do I even start..." I mumbled to myself. They both waited patiently. "My mom never told me why she took me away from my father. She just said something like 'Does it really matter? You like being with me, right?' like she had to have constant reassurance that I was happy to have her as my mother. I loved her dearly, but she was slightly scatter brained. Anyways, as soon as my mother left here with me, she ultimately no idea where to go. We traveled for a while until we stayed at a motel. Usually, the motels wouldn't let us stay any longer than two weeks, so we bounced around between different motels and cities. Eventually, her savings ran dry and we were homeless for a while."

Armin and Mikasa stared with saucer-like eyes. Their attention was undivided and they kept silent, so I continued. "At this point, my mother was looking left and right for any way to make some money... She was backed into a corner where she felt only had one decision to make. She started to sell her body. Every night she would come home with a new guy. Then another after that. And another. There was no end to it." Tears began to free fall from my cheeks at an alarming rate. Mikasa, I noticed, began holding back her own tears.

"I slept in the bathtubs with some blankets and pillows. Every man she had in our motel room was unaware she had a child, and she worked hard to keep it that way. At first, selling herself for some measly three hundred bucks per man was only for herself and I. Some man came to her one day, but denied her services. He offered to take her in as one of his prostitutes. Pimps, I guess you could call them. It worked out for a while, although we stayed in the motels still. She used every cent she had to make sure I had food and things I needed. She taught me all the things I needed to know. Of course, the money soon was not enough. With her new pimp, he demanded a certain percentage of her earnings per night. He kept raising the percentage higher and higher. I realized what she did as I got older. She would charge the men more than usual and keep some of the profit, and not tell the pimp. He would always find out and beat her. Somehow, he never found out she had me." Thinking about my mother and talking about her out loud made her seem so much more real and it hurt like hell.

It hurt to know how my mother had to live just to support me. I hadn't given up on blaming myself all this time. She was a real person, as much as I had made it seem these past few days, that she wasn't. "One day, the pimp found out my mother had stolen a shit ton of money from him. He came into the motel while she was in the bathroom with me. My mother forced me out of the bathroom window and we made a get away. The car we were provided stalled in the parking lot. As a last-minute decision, we transferred to the pimp's yellow Ferrari." I chuckled at the memory. "I'll never forget how mad that asshole got while he screamed profanities at my mother as she sped away in his expensive sports car." The upcoming memory was less pleasant. "Mom was driving horrendously. Her mental state was already borderline insanity at this point. Something distracted her. She crashed the car off of a cliff that landed us in the middle of some kind of woods. All I remember was being thrown about the car and intense pain. The car landed upside down." I wiped the remaining tears. "I stayed in that metal deathtrap for four days before it was discovered by a park ranger. They got to the car and announced my mother dead. They assumed I was too, but I was just barely awake. I was, for some reason, alive. Sure, I was injured, bleeding, dehydrated, starving and in and out of consciousness, but alive no doubt. I spent about two months in a hospital and then I was told my father would be taking me in. There are a few thing in between there that I'm leaving up to your imaginations." Armin and Mikasa were speechless. Tears rolled unceremoniously down both of their cheeks. Mikasa threw herself at me, her arms going around my shoulders. It was odd, the hug. The only person who's ever hugged me was my mother. Assuming a hug was a hug no matter who it was with, I wrapped my arms around her back. Armin hugged me next. It was a bit weirder hugging him, considering I didn't know him as well, but if we were close at one point, who was I to deny? I waited for them both to respond in some other way than physical affection as I mulled over the memories in my head.

**OH WOW this chapter is so much longer than I expected. I didn't even get time to put in a Levi POV. :(**

**Ill start the next chapter with that, so see you guys next time. :D**


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